I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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