i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
