I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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