the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
