conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
as a side note pls kill me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
