dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
