STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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