dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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