I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
