I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
