i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize