he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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