i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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