Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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