the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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