Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That accounts for only three of the penises
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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