my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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