She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
