I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
