someone owes me an orgasm
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize