i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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