my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
