i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
