So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
