boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize