So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
this is an emotional support booty call
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
