Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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