i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
