I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
