got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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