buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
