you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
