Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
