Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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