your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
