she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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