i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
