Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
