A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
