my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
