Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize