Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
