I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
