I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
