Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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