I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
