I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
