things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
