is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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