can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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