I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
