I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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