i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
