I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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