sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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