carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is glitter all over my balls
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