i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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