Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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