I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I forgot wine drunk hurts
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
