Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
