Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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