just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
