If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
