eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it because I queefed?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
