that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
