You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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