Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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