I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize