If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Pappa wants mamma naked
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
