I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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