We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
