so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize