farters have to be the big spoon...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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