My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
