smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
