This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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