You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
