I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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